he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
