there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
