if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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