We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
