I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
