my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
