So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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