he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
