**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
