GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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