I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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