when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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