I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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