I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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