if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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