how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
