Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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