When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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