dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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