Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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