All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
