All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
