just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
