I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
