That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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