i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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