we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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