I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
