does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
