Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
