Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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