I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
