Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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