If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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