If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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