Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
