do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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