On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
