I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
