If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
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he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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