I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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