almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
