I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
