I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
