ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
