the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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