I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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