You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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