Umm I'm too high to move.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
