Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
