He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
