have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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