I just made out with a guy for $7.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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