I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
