he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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