Small penises have feelings too.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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