how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
