Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
