Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
