I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
