Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
