Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
