you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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