I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
