Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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