My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
