Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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